A few years ago, someone came to one of my networking events and took an instant dislike to me. Fine. That happens. Not everyone’s going to warm to you in a room full of strangers, and I’ve made my peace with that.

What happened next was a bit more interesting. After the event, she went on something of a Penny-is-awful campaign. Told people what a terrible person I was. The works.

And I shook it off faster than Taylor Swift.

I surprised myself, if I’m honest. Because that kind of thing - someone actively going after your reputation - could easily get under your skin. It’s designed to. But somewhere in the middle of it, I had a realisation that turned out to be genuinely useful: I cannot control what someone like that thinks of me. I never could have. And trying to would have been a complete waste of energy.

Because here’s the truth nobody really tells you when you’re building a business, a reputation, or just trying to show up in the world: you are not for everyone. None of us are and the sooner you make peace with that, the sooner you can stop contorting yourself trying to be all things to all people - and start focusing on who you actually are.

We’re all better off leaning into our strengths and our values. And not the polished, palatable, won’t-offend-anyone version of ourselves. 

And when you stop trying to win over people who were never going to get you anyway, it's actually quite liberating. And you can focus on finding your tribe. The people who do see your value - who get your humour, share your outlook, and actually want what you bring to the table. Those relationships are worth infinitely more than the grudging tolerance of someone you had to twist yourself inside out to impress.

So if you’re spending energy worrying about the person who doesn’t warm to you, the one who never quite engages or who’s apparently telling people you’re awful - stop. They’re not your people. And that’s fine. There are plenty of people who are.

Now, I’ll admit one thing, because I think it’s only honest.

There is something I find quietly thrilling about a difficult person. Not because I need them to like me - I’ve established that I’m fairly relaxed on that front. But there’s a certain satisfaction in winning someone round who wasn’t initially on your side. Not so they become your biggest fan. Just because you can. Because the connection was made on your terms, without compromising who you are.

Maybe that says something about me. Probably it does.

But I think it also illustrates the point. There’s a difference between needing everyone’s approval and enjoying the occasional challenge. One will exhaust you. The other - done right - is actually quite fun.

Know who you are. Back yourself and then find the people who get it.

And let the rest get on with it.