The Rude One
Early in my career I worked with an advertising agency guy who had apparently decided that being rude was the most effective communication style. Barking, dismissing, generally making interactions as unpleasant as possible.
I don’t do rude back. It’s not my style and frankly it’s a race to the bottom. What I found worked - and kept working - was humour. Not sarcasm (although don’t get me wrong, I can be a sarky as the best ones) and not passive aggression dressed up as a joke. Just genuine, disarming lightness in moments where he was clearly expecting a fight.
It worked every time. I’d throw him off guard, and he’d have to re-calibrate, even becoming slightly more professional.
I still thought he was a dick, but we got on fine after that.
The thing about rude people is they’re often just insecure. The aggression is a defence mechanism. When you refuse to meet it with more aggression, there’s nothing for it to push against.
The Meltdown Merchant
You know this one. Something’s gone wrong - usually something they’ve caused - and rather than own it, they go into full meltdown mode. Volume up, blame flying everywhere. It’s invariably completely disproportionate to the actual situation.
This is a displacement activity. The noise is covering the incompetence, or the panic, or both.
My approach: kill them with kindness. Stay calm, stay warm, stay genuinely understanding. It’s almost impossible to sustain a meltdown at someone who refuses to escalate with you. If that doesn’t work, reschedule. Come back when the temperature has dropped and you can actually have a conversation.
The Energy Vampire
If you’ve ever watched What We Do in the Shadows, you’ll know exactly who Colin Robinson is. He’s the energy vampire.
The Energy Vampire doesn’t shout. They don’t cause scenes. They just… drain you. Slowly. With an endless supply of complaints, grievances, and low-level whinging that somehow leaves you feeling like you’ve run a marathon while standing still.
My solution is simple and non-negotiable: leave. Immediately. Before the life force starts seeping out of you. There is no fixing an Energy Vampire in a single conversation. There is only survival.
Difficult people. We’ve all got them and we’ve all had to deal with so here’s what I’ve learned in my 30 odd years in business
Here’s where I’m going to offer a reframe, because I don’t actually see this one the way most people do.
In my world - among my thebestof network - we have a saying: swipe and deploy. If something works, share it. If you borrow an idea, I try to credit the person where you can. It’s the open source model applied to offline business thinking, and I love it.
So when someone takes an idea of mine and runs with it, I’ve learned to see it differently - imitation, and all that. The ones worth worrying about are the ones who do it quietly, repeatedly, and without crediting you - even in a small way..I don’t expect a parade, but a small nod in my direction is good.
The thread that runs through all of it
Here’s the thing I keep coming back to, whatever type of difficult person I’m dealing with: why are they like this?
Is the rude person actually struggling to communicate and this is the only way they know how? Is the person having the meltdown terrified of being found out? Is the Energy Vampire dealing with something at home that makes everything feel heavy?
I’m not saying to excuse bad behaviour. I’m saying understand it - because when you understand it, you can work out what you can do differently. Sometimes that’s humour. Sometimes it’s kindness. Sometimes it’s just walking away before Colin Robinson gets to the end of his sentence.
And occasionally - just occasionally - there’s a quiet thrill in cracking a difficult person. Not because you need their approval.. But because you did it on your own terms, without compromising who you are.
That never gets old.
Do you have any tips to dealing with difficult people? Do let us know. Everyday is a school day and I’d love more weapons in my arsenal. .
