During this National Grief Awareness Week (2nd - 8th of December) I was reflecting on many ways grief can touch our lives:
We can grieve for a person who died, but also for a person who changed, for example, due to an illness, addiction or memory loss. In other words, we are grieving for the person they used to be and our relationship with them. When I was working with people living with dementia, I often heard from their relatives : 'I know that they are still alive, but I feel like I lost them already'. This grief is valid.
You can also grieve for a person who you are estranged from or relationship that ended, even if it was yourself ending it. Sometimes people are confused by the fact that even though it felt right to end the relationship, they still miss that person. It is perfectly normal to have mixed or conflicted emotions.
You might grieve for opportunities that did not happen: not getting that job, not becoming a couple with person you love, life not turning up the way you wanted it to, etc. It is a loss of a dream - allow yourself to feel feelings associated with that loss. They are valid and needed.
People who had adverse childhood experiences, such as neglect, loss of a parent, or abuse, sometimes grieve lost opportunities to grow up in an atmosphere of warmth and safety. They grieve a person who they might become in adult life should their circumstances be different. Of you are experiencing grief - however messy and complicated, unpleasant and inconvenient it feels - please know that your feelings have a place. Be gentle and compassionate towards yourself. Make space for that grief - it is needed.
