Most workplace conflict looks like a disagreement on the surface. Different views, strong opinions, a tense meeting. But many of these situations aren’t really about the work at all — and that’s why they don’t move forward.

There are two fundamentally different kinds of conversation that show up at work: disagreements and power struggles.

A disagreement is about content. It’s about what should be done, how something should work, or what makes the most sense given the information available. People may be firm, but curiosity still exists. They can engage with ideas, absorb new information, and adjust their position without it saying anything significant about their standing. These conversations can be uncomfortable, but they’re productive.

A power struggle is about position. It’s about who gets to decide, whose judgement carries weight, and who has standing in the situation. The topic may sound practical, but that’s not what’s really being negotiated. Once a conversation enters this mode, curiosity disappears. Changing your mind no longer feels neutral — it feels like losing authority or credibility.

One of the clearest signs you’re in a power struggle is that people stop responding to the point being made and start responding to what it implies about them. Attention shifts to tone, interruptions, history, and who conceded last time. Winning starts to matter more than understanding, not because people are competitive, but because losing feels like being diminished rather than simply being wrong.

This is also why logic and facts often stop working. Facts address content. They don’t address status.

Many organisations unintentionally make things worse by treating power struggles as if they’re disagreements. The response is more explanation, more clarity, more data. Those tools are useful — just not for the problem that’s actually in play.

From the outside, these situations are often labelled as stubbornness or resistance. From the inside, they feel like self-protection. People aren’t blocking progress; they’re trying to avoid being reduced.

The real skill in modern workplaces isn’t avoiding conflict. It’s recognising what kind of conversation you’re in before deciding how to respond. When that distinction is missed, even capable teams can find themselves stuck — not because no one understands the issue, but because the issue isn’t what’s actually being negotiated.

Nyla Naseer - Workplace Consultant and Mediato

I help organisations recognise and navigate these dynamics before they harden into formal disputes.

If this kind of thinking is useful, you can find more about my work at nylanaseer.co.uk.
I also explore these themes in more depth on my YouTube channel, The Working Human:
https://www.youtube.com/@TheWorkingHuman