The Big Decision - MP or Sir Andrew LW !!
1st May 2010
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It has been all over a TV screens for what seems like forever, but soon, probably the most important decision for a generation will be made. Only one of those dogs can play Toto in the Wizard of Oz, and thankfully Andrew Lloyd Webber will be making the call, not me. Phew. I don't think I could handle the pressure.

Oh, and there is an election on. This is probably an event of equal importance. I will talk about that.

So this year, the electoral campaign has been slightly different. Rather than having to read all about the false promises, hecklers, punch-ups, egg based projectiles, and photo-ops with unwilling babies - we have been fed the latest developments as they happen via 24 hour news channels and internet media. All of this has been punctuated by the trilogy of televised debates, which has allowed us to see for the first time what Gordon Brown's skin looks like in glorious HD. For those without an HDTV, go look at a walnut under a microscope, it's the same.

This is also the first General Election to take place in the era of Twitter, which means that as soon as someone screws up on the campaign trail, the whole world knows about it.

The obvious example of this is Bigotgate, in which Gordon Brown was caught saying unpleasant things about one of his biggest fans. Personally, I was shocked. The range of those radio mic's is incredible, and the signal even managed to travel through the reinforced doors of the prime ministerial Jag! Very impressive. What was interesting though, the radio mic at the centre of all of this belonged to Sky News, who are owned by Rupert Murdoch, who is supporting the Tories. Had this been a BBC Mic, would the audio have ever leaked? We will never know.

It isn't just Gordon Brown that has had issues when meeting the public, David Cameron has had his fair share of problems.

Let me set the scene, about three or four years ago, I subscribed to BBC Breaking News alerts. The idea being, that if a bomb was about to explode in the local area, or there were flash floods, I would know about it via email. I always prepare for the worst when I receive an alert. One day I was working away, an alert email pops up. My heart starts to beat faster. I start to sweat. "What could be going on?" I think to myself, running through several elaborate end of the world scenarios in my head. I double click the email, and it opens in front of me. I read the subject line, and pray...

"David Cameron Hit By Egg"

Breaking news, really?

So Cameron got hit by an egg, he also got grilled on his manifesto by an angry parent outside a school. The man appeared to know Cameron's policies better than Cameron. Which can only be embarrassing.

What of Nick Clegg? The Liberal Democrat leader was virtually unknown before the first televised debate, now he is starting to shake up British politics as much as anyone with the surname "Clegg" can. Clegg has faired a lot better when meeting the public. Although, seeing any politician outside of their Westminster comfort zone is about as excruciating as getting a paper cut off of an electricity bill. He did have a brief "heated discussion" with a student in Birmingham.

So who will win?

I'm not sure. Most people reckon the result will lead to a hung parliament. At first I thought this meant that all elected MP's would be hanged, and we'd start again from scratch. However, my research has shown that a hung parliament is basically like getting a nil-nil in football, without a penalty shootout. Which is a shame because Peter Mandelson is rumoured to have a wicked right foot and Lembit Opik is built for playing in Goal.

One thing is certain though. None of this matters, if you don't vote. Having the chance to vote is a privilege that so many people around the world don't have. So yeah, think about that. Oh, and if you vote, you are allowed to moan when things go wrong.

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