Victory or Victor Meldrew
21st October 2008
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A fact that everyone needs to come to terms with is that nothing, nothing works how it should. People, systems, machines, organisations, you name it. Not even your own mind and body function how you would like them all the time. A good way to get yourself wound up and nowhere fast is the overuse of the word "should". He should have behaved this way and they should have achieved their target and it should print faultlessly every time. The "bottom line" is they don't!

Those who cannot come to terms with this reality will never make a success of anything. They will become the embittered Victor Meldrews of this world ranting "I don't believe it!" at every misdemeanor and getting stressed and angry whilst doing it. I should know - this is exactly what I've spent much of my life doing, like my father before me. A turning point came for me on reading this quote from philosopher Eckhart Tolle - Those who wish to become enlightened must reach the point where they are absolutely sick of suffering.

Like an alcoholic must reach rock bottom before dealing with their problem, Victor Meldrews must reach the point where they are absolutely sick of being angry all the time. I began to research spirituality and anger management. On the most fundamental level, imperfection is inevitable due to the balance of forces at work, most notably in business and society, where the selfish agenda of the individual is at odds with the collective wellbeing of the group.

I realised that I needed to get out of the mindset of "the way it should be" and see life in a completely different way. This is still a work in progress, but I'm well on the way there. I'm starting to unerstand what "go with the flow" actually means, playing the hand I'm dealt rather than cursing because it's devoid of aces. It's the way we respond the the circumstances we find ourselves in that is crucial. Ranting because it is not what we expected or how it should be will inhibit our performance and make us less likely to survive the situation we are in.

While we breathe, we live to fight on! None of us are here forever. While we are here, we can learn lessons, make a difference and have something to say. Even with a "bum hand" we can do something with it, make some kind of statement, make some kind of difference. People make the mistake of tying their worthiness to the achievement of a particular situation or obtaining a certain thing. People have taken their own lives because they either couldn't or lost it. But suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Oxford United once played in the top flight of English football, now they are languid in non-league football, but they are still playing! There is always the next game to play, the desire to win, a diference to be made. And while there is still a ground, a team and supporters, so they should. Even when a club dies, the idea of it lives on and can rekindle new life. Bradford Park Avenue, Aldershot and Accrington Stanley came back to life years after they "died"!

A major factor in success is what people do with the information in front of them. Despair is always a choice, it is never forced on us. Anger and rage are understandable in the face of injustice, incompetence and the unpredictable, but to just be angry, to just lash out and destroy is an even worse choice than despair. When a goal is conceded, get the ball back the the centre circle and try again. When you are defeated, go to the training groung on Monday. When you are relegated, prepare for the first match of the new season. When you go bust, form a new team at the local recreation ground. Do something creative!

When people and things don't do everything they should, they will do something they should. Use them to best effect, and improve/replace them if when you can. The glass may be half empty, but such water as there is has a use!

About the Author


Member since: 26th April 2012

I am a fully qualified and experienced hypnotherapist, Reiki practitioner and Stress Counsellor, based in Undercliffe, Bradford. I am proud to be a volunteer therapist for Bradford Cancer Support

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