When I was young, the advice I received about when confronted with bullies, or the nasty remarks of others, was to "just ignore it". Unfortunately no one told me how to ignore it or what that even meant. But even when circumstances changed and I was no longer in close proximity with unpleasant individuals, another more sinister tormentor took their place - the thoughts and feelings within myself. Not only was I plagued by negative thoughts and feelings, but I would get "daymares" - dark daydreams with very negative scenarios.
Those folks who tell you to "think positive" and look on the bright side" don't understand that the people they're telling would love to do that, if only they knew how. It's very annoying if not downright upsetting for the dark thinker when others assume we're choosing to be like that or just not trying hard enough.
This article is good news and hope for dark thinkers by someone who understands you, because he is one! Let's start with the most important thing to grasp - you're not evil, lazy or stupid. You did not choose to think and feel in this way, and it's not your fault. Having said that, there are things to come to terms with - there isn't a cure, and it's your responsibility to manage yourself, once you know how.
Thoughts and feelings are not "you". If they were, you would choose only helpful ones and at times to suit yourself. Clearly the reality is that we have very little control over what we're thinking and feeling and none at all over when thoughts and feelings pop into our awareness.
So if you are not your thoughts or feelings, what are you, and what are they? Thoughts and feelings are simply the result of nerve cells doing work, but not necessarily the work you would choose. Each nerve cell contains a rudimentary memory, a stored energy. When stimulated by external forces, hormones or other nerve cells, it will release that energy, transmitting it down nerve fibres to other nerve cells, which will then also respond. The net effect of all this activity determines what you experience as thoughts and feelings and also determines both your external actions and behaviour and also the whole biochemistry of your body.
It's tempting to deduce from this that your experience of life is therefore dependent on both stored energy within and also the environment, neither of which you can control, and your life experience is thus pure fate. However, this is to ignore other factors, most importantly who you actually are.
What you actually call "me" has two dimensions, an active dimension which you can label INTENTION and a passive dimension which you can label OBSERVATION. This "me", comprising of observation and intention has a "limb", a tool that enables it to interact with your mind and body, which can be labelled ATTENTION. Learning how to wield the attention is the secret to emotional and thought management.
OBSERVATION is self-explanatory - it is your capacity to observe experience. You are the viewer and audience of all the nerve impulses sent to your brain and that your brain itself generates. INTENTION is also self-explanatory - it is what you wish to achieve. Clearly for many of us, the realization of our intention is being continually thwarted, but not as we might conclude by external factors. Rather, it is due to the default response of the MIND, the brain's operating software.
Fortunately, it is possible to override the "default" (negative responses) by use of the ATTENTION. The attention is an inbuilt ability to focus on particular observed phenomena and examine them in fine detail. The attention can only focus on about 2% of everything we're experiencing in any given moment, but that 2% is crucial, because it determines how we behave, both externally and biochemically. Whatever has our attention, either real, imagined or remembered, determines how our bodies and minds behave. Furthermore, we have complete control over what we put our attention on for the majority of our waking time. Most people however never bother - not because they're lazy but because no one's ever taught them they could and should do this.
Without the intention exerting any control, which it tends not to when there's no demanding task immediately in front of you, the attention will settle on a default, which is unfortunately often the most negative thing in our awareness in any particular moment. This is a natural survival mechanism evolved to protect us from danger, but in everyday life, where we are not under continual threat of death, this is distinctly unhelpful. We need to manually override this default and switch our attention by conscious intention, which is something that takes practice, especially at first.
Even with complete mastery of the attention, negative thoughts and feelings don't just go away. If they are strong enough, they can snatch our attention right out of our grasp on occasion. This needs to be accepted but not obeyed - once you know negative feelings for what they are, we can decide not to obey them and instead obey our intention, by moving our attention onto intention itself. A good way of doing this is by chanting the affirmation I WILL FEEL BAD AND DO GOOD ANYWAY!
Much of my work as a hypnotherapist involves teaching people how to eliminate continual self-sabotage by training their attention, which I instill both consciously through instruction and prescribed exercises, and subconsciously using hypnosis. The great news is that anyone in misery due to their own "inner darkness" who is determined to be liberated certainly can be - they need only access the right training and practise it.
