How to kill yourself in 3 simple and easy to apply steps
8th April 2013
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Using this handy guide you should be able to quickly identify some simple systems with which you can dramatically reduce not only the length but the quality of your life.  With only a mild commitment to these laws you can almost certainly expect to experience chronic disease as young as 50 years old. 

And if that’s not enough tiredness, skin complaints, regular colds, mood swings and muscular & joint pain can easily become things you regard as the status quo.  With very little commitment indeed you could also be lucky enough to experience arthritis, diabetes, heart disease and even cancer well before you ever thought possible.

Ironically we already live in a sociality that believes that some of the above are just the standard way in which most of us will die saving for a bad accident. 

Your fool proof guide to a shorter innings:

  1. Avoid excess sleep- excess sleep has been linked with all kinds of pitfalls such as improved cognitive function, reduced appetite and weight management not to mention that sleep is the time of the day when our bodies heal from exercise and daily wear and tear. 


Those able to enjoy broken sleep or below the recommended 8-9 hours may soon be able to count themselves among an ever growing group of people suffering from depression, anxiety and a host of other mental disorders. 

No more fortunate or more exclusive is the chance to be among those suffering from heart disease and some forms or cancer.  Almost nothing you can do will allow you to so easily become a government statistic than simply reducing your sleep time; just imagine all of the great TV programmes you’ll have to talk about?

  1. Stock up on grains- a hearty dose of porridge or cereal for breakfast, some wholemeal bread for lunch and perhaps some whole wheat pasta in the evening; a delicious and low cost method of life shortening to the tune of about 10 years from the end of your life. 

Can’t sustain 3 gluten and grain based meals a day? Fear not, the damage of Gluten on your gut lining can last for 7 days.  To be on the safe side one grain based meal a day should be enough to dramatically increase your chances of experiencing heart disease, some cancers, stroke, diabetes type II, rheumatoid arthritis and a whole host of autoimmune diseases.

You are fortunate to have been born when you were, before the agricultural revolution these diseases we almost impossible to come by, they are now available to you at least the cost of a newspaper.

  1. Stop playing around and get back to work- Playing sport, relaxing with friends and spending time with family has been shown to be a slippery slope towards a long and happy life.  In fact studies into healthy centenarian populations show that community and play are a staple of every single group.

In fact low levels of sleep, grains and a high stress work environment all have one thing in common- they increase inflammation.  Inflammation is the main contributing factor in almost all of life’s problems.

Illness, mental disorder (even strong emotions) and physical pain can all be attributed to inflammation.    If you have a reckless disregard for the increasing world over population issues then a good night sleep, avoiding grains and putting aside time to play every week should see you a part of the problem for much longer than otherwise.

If you fancy increasing your quality of life even further and even experiencing a level of health and fitness that is better at 60 than it was at 30 then come in to Absolute Health and ask for our help.  

About the Author

Ed Ley

Member since: 20th March 2013

Dad, husband, owner and personal trainer at Absolute health Bristol. Lack of free time has enabled me to whittle my hobbies down to sleeping, cooking and reading when not doing the father, husband gym...

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