Golfing humour
9th June 2008
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A humorous look at the game of golf.

A round or two of golf is a well known stress buster, but it seems that golf players have a love hate relationship with their game. Here's a few rules picked up around the 'net - one for each hole, and one for the 19th!

  1. Your best ever round will be immediately followed by your worst ever, and the more people you tell about the former, the more likely becomes the latter.
  2. A golf ball NEVER bounces back into play off a tree . If it does chop down the tree as it's obviously breaking a universal law and should be destroyed.
  3. For whatever reason you messed up your shot, an unbreakable law says that all your group must solemnly swear "You looked up".
  4. It doesn't matter how bad your last shot was, you have't had your worst shot yet. (This doesn't expire on the 18th hole, actually it never expires as it will extend itself over the next tournament, summer and whole life).
  5. The most painful torture known to man is topping a 3-iron
  6. Brand new golf balls love water. Although unproven scientifically, everyone knows that the more expensive the balls, the greater the water attraction.
  7. Similarly, golf balls from the same "sleeve" are attracted to each other, and will invariably follow each other into the water or out of bounds
  8. Magically, the last three holes in a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really ought to be.
  9. Sand lives, and hates golfers.
  10. The higher your handicap the better instructor you become.
  11. EVERY par-three hole wants to humiliate you, and the shorter the hole, the greater is its wish to do so.
  12. The golf buggy will always run out of power when your as far away from the clubhouse as you could possibly be.
  13. Someone accidentally hitting into your group will always be bigger than any of you. Similarly, if you hit into another group, it will always consist of a professional boxer, a football hooligan, an axe murderer and your father in law.
  14. Trees eat golf balls.
  15. The bloke who's beating you is invariably the one you'd least like to lose to.
  16. You must give up golf at least twice a month.
  17. "Good shot" really means"lousy putt" and "Bad luck" really means "how could you possibly miss THAT you idiot."
  18. All vows taken on the golf course expire at sunset
  19. You can always rely on a good round of golf at Toft House Hotel and Golf Course, where the superb course was designed by Dennis and Roger Fitton.

Click here for more information on Toft House

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