Took Weedy out for tea on Friday afternoon. We were in this department store and his tubedar spotted, hidden away on a low shelf, a most enticing…

What? You don’t know what a tubedar is?

Ah, well, you all know what Radar is, natch. And I guess you all know about a Gaydar. So, Weedy has a tubedar. It basically means he can spot anything remotely connected with the London Underground from a distance of … well, an unmeasurable distance – what’s further than light years?

So Weedy spots this 500-piece London Undergound jigsaw puzzle and makes haste, as the crow flies, straight towards it – “Daddy? Can I …

Resistance is futile in these circumstances.

So, we get home and and it is immediately unwrapped, pieces emptied onto the table and we get to work. Right, how shall we do this – tell you what, son, why don’t we start with the Central Line, build that up – no maybe not, maybe the Jubilee, ‘cos that crosses all the way from, or how about we build up the river and add the adjoining central stations as we go…

However, we opt for the traditional method of collecting the edges and corners and build inwards – teach him a bit of common sense – stand him in good stead, educational y’know.

We manage about 2 hours of total concentration – great fun it was too, but then it was bedtime routine – we’ll finish it in the morning, no probs. So he goes to bed, al excited. Gets up at his usual time – and waits the usual, I dunno, 3 or 4 hours till his parents show signs of life – well, it is the weekend.

And then its back to the puzzle. After about an hour more, it becomes clear that one of the pieces – a fairly recognisable part of the map – simply never appears – no matter how much we search for it. So, I decide we have to count the pieces to make sure they are all there – every jigsaw puzzle maker’s worst nightmare – and lo and behold, after double-checking, triple-checking, getting mummy to count them, it becomes clear that there are, in fact, 2 pieces missing.

So not only can we not complete the puzzle, not only have we wasted hours trying to do the impossible, not only have I got a distraught kid on my hands who simply cannot understand the situation – BUT ALSO – we have to go back to the store, and replace it with another identical one!

Which we do. And we get it home. And we open the box. And we empty the pieces on to the table – AND WE COUNT EVERY SINGLE PIECE BEFORE WE START – and I say to my boy – “So, how shall we do it? Why don’t we start with the Central Line, build that up – no maybe not, maybe the Jubilee, ‘cos that crosses all the way from, or how about we build up the river and add the adjoining central stations as we go…

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.