Everywhere you go in Manchester these days, there seem to be Zumba classes popping up, either independently or offered as an added incentive to join the gym (and heaven knows I need an incentive).
On an almost daily basis, at least one of my Facebook 'friends' (an all encompassing word for people you may have met once though a friend of a friend who you would probably pass in the street without recognising... I digress, different subject entirely) has a status update referencing this allegedly fabulous fun new way of fighting the flab. Apparently it’s a fusion of cardio, hip hop, salsa and aerobics... how hard can it be? So here goes – I shall try it for myself.
Step 1 – Preparation
Clearly everyone knows you simply cannot embark upon a new exercise regime without looking the part. Those ancient gym pants with baggy knees just won't cut it, and its only right to team shiny new Lycra (mix) pants with matching logo t-shirt. Obviously new trainers are essential if you don't want to look 'so last season.' I'm heading to a 'church hall' class so fully stocked gym bag is probably not necessary, but I'll get it, just in case... will I need sweat bands? No, that would be over the top.
Step 2 – Recruitment
Now I'm not easily intimidated but I would definitely prefer to embark on this experience with a friend by my side (preferably one carrying just a little more weight than me). No point asking aforementioned Facebook 'friends’ – I am not going to be made to look stupid by seasoned veterans. Numerous texts and 'you've got to be joking' replies later, I finally find an ally easily bribed by the promise of a post class bottle of wine
Step 3 – This bit is genius
You Tube! You can find anything on You Tube, including 'Zumba Basic Steps Demo.' Quick call to my fitness buddy (who, incidentally carries considerably LESS weight than me – I was asking too much) and half an hour later we're poised in front of the lap top which is balanced on top of the TV, curtains closed, ready for action. After nearly fifteen minutes of toe twisting, hip swivelling and arm waving we've barely broken a sweat. Jackpot! No wonder it's so popular, it’s fun AND easy!
Step 4 – The experience
Thursday night comes and off we go full of confidence. I feel a bit mean because I sort of forgot to mention my shopping trip to fitness buddy, who is looking resplendent in her husband's jogging bottoms and a misshapen t-shirt. Never mind, we are here to support each other and that's what we shall do. Busy schedules prevented us attending the 6.30pm class, or indeed the 7.30pm class, who we watch exiting the hall as we enter. They all seem to be looking happy and energised, apart from a couple of stragglers who are taking the term 'glowing' to its extremes... clearly they neglected their You Tube preparation.
So in we go, and as we nervously position ourselves as far back as possible, I can't help but notice that I'm by far the best turned out, which bodes well, although I'm also the oldest one there, which doesn't. Quick encouraging glance at fitness buddy then 'OK, HERE WE GO....!' This motivational cry from what appears to be an 18 year old model with a six pack pulls us up sharp and marching on the spot commences... followed by the toe swivelling I have already perfected – excellent! On we go to the hip swivelling part – this is fun, although I am getting a bit warm, but the Latino rhythm is exhilarating and I'm pretty sure I'm giving Gloria Estefan a run for her money. Spurred on by this I throw myself even more wholeheartedly into the arm waving, Wow, this is a proper workout – really sweating now but I am going to be SO fit.
Step 5 – The humiliation
'FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT AND STOP! Good warm up guys!’ At this point, I knew without question it was all going horribly wrong. OK, they've stepped up the beat – hang on, at NO point during the You Tube Demo tape did both feet leave the ground simultaneously! OK, and land, keep going, twirl, twist, swivel, wave... and black...
Looking up, there seem to be concerned faces bending over me. Somewhere, seemingly far away, a slightly irritated 18 year old voice with a six pack utters a warning to the rest of the class...something about over 40's and Extreme Zumba classes not being a good combination.
Step 6 – (Insert somewhere between Step 1 and Step 4) Research
I NOW know that Zumba comes in different levels, Beginners (6.30) Intermediate (7.30) and Extreme (8.30). I also know that You Tube Demo clips do not always demonstrate in 'real' time. I know that any class taught and attended exclusively by the under 25's is pretty much exclusively for the under 25's.
However, I also know that a new hair cut and colour, donning casual t-shirt and joggers and keeping your head ever so slightly bowed, means you don't get recognised when you sneak back into the beginners class. And do you know, at the right pace it's true, Zumba is fun!