Neuroticism is an enduring tendency to experience negative emotional states. People that can be described as "neurotic" are more likely than the average to experience such feelings as anxiety, anger, guilt and depressed mood. One thing beyond doubt is that there is a lot of it about. This being the case, it would be useful to know how to manage it if you are neurotic and also how to manage neurotics, particularly in the workplace.

Like diabetes, neuroticism is not the fault of the sufferer nor is there a cure, but its effects on the life of the neurotic can be minimized to keep the sufferer functional and even find happiness. After several years of working with neurotic clients, and many more years before that struggling with my own neurosis, I can confidently share some useful and effective tips on managing this state of mind.

The first thing that you and everyone else must accept is that you will always be this way - it's not going to go away. Therefore a lifetime of effective management and a continual daily management regime is essential. Any neglect of this regime will rapidly take you back to "square one". Just surrender to the reality and accept it, and your journey to a happy and fulfilling life will have begun.

Regular deep relaxation is vital discipline #1 and not an option for neurotics - it is essential to correct a tendancy to be hormonally imbalanced as a result of the condition. Without exception, I always teach meditation to my neurotic clients (and quite a few non-neurotics too!) Though in my opinion meditation is the best, there are other methods. A good daily walk (the "morning consitutional") is excellent mental relaxation, and so is a good laugh - get to see more good comedy, and have a right good laugh every day.

A second important discipline is to back away from unhelpful confrontation. Confrontations inevitably occur in life and business. Sometimes in confrontation, on points of the principle of the wellbeing of all, you have no choice but to make a stand, but usually when challenged, the issue is "no big deal", and though neurotics know it, it feels deeply hurtful and there's a strong urge to "hit back". If the confrontation has no benefit worth pursuing, walking away from it is essential. Not having the "last word" is an essential sacrifice for neurotics to prevent the situation getting out of hand.

The third important discipline is to take responsibility without guilt about the past. If you reacted badly, you were responsible for the outcome, but the outcome itself is a lesson, not a punishment. You can only learn by mistakes. What's important right now is how you apply past lessons to the present moment.

If as a manager or colleague you have to deal with a neurotic, it is important to realize that a neurotic is a powerful "emotion amplifier" - disapproval of an action will be interpreted as an utter humiliation. To point out a shortcoming will be interpreted as worthlessness. Fortunately this "amplifier" can be also be used to your advantage!

When dealing with a neurotic, always use a calming soothing voice and manner, even in a disciplinary situation. This calm is "amplified" in the neurotic's mind. This will keep the neurotic calm and receptive. In the same kindly consistent smooth tone, point out the required standard, and then the neurotic's performance, leaving the neurotic to realize the obvious. Without stating the obvious shortfall, request in the same calm tone a corrective action and enquire if there is any reason why this corrective action could not be carried out. Add that without this action, you cannot help in the way you would like to, and another meeting might be needed. Finally enquire of the person if they think they have been dealt with fairly.

This action is quite adequate in the majority of cases to bring a neurotic "back on track". If they don't respond, in a similarly calm tone at the next meeting, and tinged with sadness, point out that you have no option but to take disciplinary action. With all the "homework" done on performance records and the evidence of poor performance incontravertable, the neurotic will have no excuse and no claim of "constructive dismissal".