PHOENIXES ARE BORN EVERY DAY
When you are in business, you really have no option but to live for today. Today needs to include marketing and planning ahead, but nevertheless, focus is best on the moment. In fact it can be a fatal blow in many ways to assume that even when successful and growing it is going to continue that way. I get a regular number of clients every year who have confidence issues after seeing their business collapse around them. People not owning their own business may not appreciate how traumatic an experience this is. Your business is “your baby”, the subject of endless hours of love and devotion, an intrinsic part of your life. To see it “die” can be as traumatic as bereavement, with added guilt and countless “what-ifs”.
The most crushing part is often the sense of failure and worthlessness. We all need to feel that we matter in some way. To lose that sense of worth can feel unbearable. Business people come to me defeated and desperate, and it’s my task to build them up again. So far, I’m pleased to say that I’ve never failed to do so.
To come to terms with your own personal loss, you really need to come and see me, but there are some general principles I teach my clients that I am happy to share, that can be applied to many kinds of loss, from missing a putt on the local golf course to the most traumatic kinds of bereavement. Phoenixes are born every day, and whatever your loss, you can be one of them!
Point one: You can’t give up, others are counting on you!
Few people have absolutely no kin, dependents or friends at all. It is important to realise the impact it would have if you just laid down and gave up. You can still make a positive difference to many lives: your life isn’t just about you! If you can make a difference to anyone, you should do so, simply because it will come back to you – what goes around comes around! Do not bring unnecessary trauma on others because of your own. Reach out for help, but at the same time go on helping others wherever you can.
Point two: If you’re not dead you’re being made stronger
The old adage is absolutely true, and a fundamental principle of life. It is the adversities that force us (however unwillingly!) to adapt and grow. All my skills as a healer and therapist were forged in the fires of suffering. The reason I can help people who are bereft, in total despair, who are hopelessly addicted and have lost all control is that I have been there before them! We simply have no incentive to grow and develop in good times – we just get wrapped up in what we’re doing. Only when it’s necessary do we pick up the new skills, abilities and learning points that will make all the difference to our future.
Point three: If the foundations are sound, any house can be rebuilt
If you have the skills abilities and passion, there is nothing to stop you starting again, in the same or a related field. No matter how beaten down you are, you can build yourself back up again. All that’s needed is the will to do so.
Point four: Draw a line and move on
It is one thing to suffer a loss, another to mentally accept that loss. The feeling of loss itself is a lifelong scar – it never “goes away”, but to mentally let things go is a conscious decision. At some point, you will have to choose to exchange that which is lost for the scar of loss. It’s a bit like walking away from the grave of your loved one, being willing to give them up and leave them there. The timing has to be of your choosing, but must eventually be made. You will not be able to achieve anything new until you do. Treasure the past but put it down and embrace the road ahead.